I’m walking to one of my department Leader’s offices for a quick sync.  This time I know it’s not for a new assignment or for something they needed help with.  I know that this time it’s bad news.

The week prior a few team members and I worked closely with the Leader to complete a small project; we had a deadline.  There were some changes requested by the Leader at the last minute.  This is not rare, when we work with the Leader there are always last-minute changes.  No matter how much we prepare, meet, and discuss there are always changes.  We have all accepted this as the Leader has a lot on their plate.  Or so they say.

I scheduled a meeting with the Leader and team members.  I shared my screen, discussions were had, and changes were made to the work that had already been submitted.  The changes had to be submitted as the second version of the final product to ensure we hit the deadline.  The Leader approved changes, and everyone agreed.  Everything seemed normal.  The team continued working on other projects, the week finally came to an end and there were no additional discussions about the last-minute changes.

Monday rolls around and I start hearing how unprepared we were for delivering the work on time and still went ahead and submitted changes that were not approved.  I scheduled a meeting to discuss the matter.  During the meeting I shared my screen, discussions were had, and changes were made.  Everyone agreed, but this time the Leader was unhappy.

It turned out that last Friday at 4:45pm the Leader shared with the Head how unprepared we were.

As I’m walking to the Leader’s office, I decide I am too tired to fight this one.  I know the Leader is wrong, I know the team did what they could with what we had.  The Leader is busy and doesn’t pay attention during our meetings.  They make rushed decisions, and they ignore the downstream impact.  The team cannot submit work without the Leader’s approval.  I know this the team knows this and yet we always decide to let it go.

The door behind me is shut and the Leader starts by saying “This is unacceptable.” Continues with their constructive criticism.  I listen and occasionally nod.  Bottom line the Leader is unsatisfied with the services I provided to ensure the work product is of high quality, completed, and submitted on time.  Finally, the Leader is done and hints at me to say something.  I comfortably and calmly say “Any work submitted requires approval of the leader.  Work was submitted on time but resubmitted due to changes made at the last minute.  How would you like for me to handle this situation next time?”

At this moment, time seems to slow down.  The Leader blinked 6 times, I counted.  I wondered if they had dry eyes and maybe needed some of my Refresh Plus Lubricant Eye Drops.  I can see that the Leader is stressed with their workload.  I feel bad.  The Leader finally says, “Why are you being defensive?”  This has been my identifier for the last couple of months.  I remember being called defensive for the first time.  The question didn’t make sense in that situation and quite honestly, I don’t think it makes sense in this situation.  But word got out that I am defensive.

I give no expression to the Leader’s question and ask again “How would you like for me to handle this situation next time?”  Now I feel we are playing a game of questions.  3 questions in a row.  Who will have the answer?  I am still sitting comfortably or as comfortably as one can sit on a guest office chair holding my laptop on my lap with my legs crossed.  The Leader gives up, they want me out of their office I can feel it.  The Leader places one hand on their head and quickly brings it down.  The Leader responds “You need to make sure I pay attention.”  I nod and thank them for their time as I walk out and carefully shut their door.