After a few weeks of posting, I feel like I need to circle back on my thoughts about writing and pursuing my peace of mind.  I am still stressed out about my career, family, relationships, money, debt, and mental health.  I’ve learned is that I am not alone.  Oh, and don’t forget about diet and drinking water. 

We are all in this together, everyone in some shape or form is stressed out and is also pursuing peace of mind.  In a truthful pessimistic way, how does knowing others are dealing with similar situations help, it doesn’t.  But it does make you more aware.  My mind set started shifting to being more empathetic knowing that others are dealing with the same issues.  I’ve also been able to see how my struggles might impact others.

After my first week of posts, I noticed that I communicate better.  I still need to work on it, but I am seeing an improvement.  Before I would bottle everything in, and I still do at times.  When I have expressed myself, it has been received in both a negative and positive way.  Turns out I have stronger relationships than I thought.  They didn’t stop talking to me or abandoned the friendship.  We just continued our conversations with the only difference that I didn’t keep it in.  I didn’t keep it to bottle it in and think about it repeatedly.  I didn’t sleep with the thought, eat with it, or pee with it.  I forgot about it, and it feels good.

I started writing to forget and it turns out that if I communicate correctly, I will also forget.  When I reflect on this it sounds so simple and obvious.  The lack of communication is the basis of my problems.  Not expressing what I want or what I think is becoming my constraint. By restraining myself from communicating my truth I am causing myself more problems. Just to be clear I never thought my problems were caused by others or thought poor me.  That’s just not the type of person I am.  I wish!  There’s a lot of self-help resources in this area.

As of today, my self-help journey is about getting to know myself and in turn expressing that without worry.  Having a self-introduction without judgement and releasing everything that I thought true about myself.  Now this is where the hard work begins.  I will start small with what’s my favorite color or favorite Disney character.  Eventually I hope to get to the bigger questions like what drives me and what are my values.  This will take time and I know I will fight back.  I will also find myself tricking myself.  But I have a feeling this is my answer.

I don’t know how long this will take or if I will ever complete this journey.  But I want to try.  I think the answer is that it’s a never-ending journey.  As humans we continue to evolve and change every day, which means we should be learning about ourselves every day.  I want to stay curious about my thoughts and feelings.  I am also not talking about self-love or self- esteem.  Just self-acceptance of my true nature.  Honestly, I am scared.  I fear finding someone (me) I don’t like.